"For whom the Lord loves He reproves,
Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights."
Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights."
Reprove means to gently correct. Now, does the Lord's correction always feel gentle? Probably not. But it is. We're the ones that make it harder by trying to have control and tell God what we want. If we could just learn to let go...
I clung to this verse through our whole journey to Ambrie. I knew that God wasn't punishing me. I knew that He wanted me to grow and to cling to Him and His promises. And I knew that in the end everything would be okay. Whether we had a child or not, it would be okay.
I clung to this verse through our whole journey to Ambrie. I knew that God wasn't punishing me. I knew that He wanted me to grow and to cling to Him and His promises. And I knew that in the end everything would be okay. Whether we had a child or not, it would be okay.
But, friends, I'm going to be honest. Once I had that thing that I had been longing for, dreaming of, praying for, down on my knees begging for, I had this overwhelming sense of "now what?" I had been able to identify with every single sad story, sermon, and prayer request that came my way. I would pull out my bag of hurt and cry right along with whomever was talking. Once I had Ambrie, I felt lost in that arena. So lost.
This feeling of disorientation led me to begin to look for an area where God was "reproving" me. I couldn't see it. I felt distant from Him, alone even. I expected something as equally obvious (infertility) and as equally long (8 years) and just as physically involved (shots galore, scans, and soooo many people seeing parts of me I didn't want them to see). Never did I stop to think that maybe now God was calling me to look beyond myself - to take my blessings and use them to bless others and to take my plenty and give to those in need. He had already given me an experience that made me more compassionate and caring. He had proven to me that I was able to love a child not of my own flesh. He had proven to me that His promise is true - perseverance pays off. And He had proven to me that taking the leap of faith that He is nudging you towards is really the best thing to do.
This leads me back to that hot summer day last year when Frank and I were having the same discussion about the same thing for nth time. We did not see eye-to-eye on everything, and as any married couple will tell you, that's beyond hard. Compromise. It sometimes feels like a four letter word, doesn't it?
But yet, here we were again, talking about the very compromise we decided to make. I would work full time while Frank worked from home, and when he started to make enough money I would stay home full time. It wasn't working well at all. And I don't mean just that I had a bad attitude (because I sure did!) I mean that logistically, it wasn't working. Ambrie was getting the raw end of the deal and needed more interaction throughout the day. We relied on our parents way too much, and we never wanted either set to feel like babysitters versus grandparents. We tried daycare for 6 months but that was not a good fit both financially or for Ambrie in general.
With this particular conversation, we were both torn to shreds. And I mean ugly crying. And I mean I was literally sitting on the floor and kept saying "I just don't know what to do, I give up". But then... God. He whispered, and while we didn't audibly hear Him, we knew what He was saying.
We both felt it at the same time. Frank spoke first. "Maybe we just need to take that step of faith and you need to quit your job." Yep. There's that leap of faith I was just talking about.
That led to an evening of good conversation and prayer and fret, but by the end of the night, we knew. We knew that God was telling us, "Guys, I've gotten you through much worse, give me a little credit. Jump right on in to my waiting hands."
I sat down with my manager, Julie, at NHA that following Monday and we talked for hours. She wanted me to stay, even if it was a few days a week, even if it meant that I would be hourly and get to go home and leave work at work. It was a really good decision for me to stay. Working part time makes me a better mother, better wife, better daughter, better friend, and better employee. It's been a really good four months.
But I'm not done telling you things yet. No, there's more to this story.
The thing that was always holding us back from taking that step to me not working, or working less, was always money. Can I tell you that God is so much bigger than dollars and cents? He has provided for us in many ways, and He has prompted our hearts to stop hanging on to those dollars so tightly. So when the opportunity arose for Frank to go on a missions trip to Uganda, Africa I of course said, "Yahoo, let's sign you up and send you packing!" Wait. No, that's not how I responded at all. I think it was more like "You're going to get Ebola!!" Sometimes I'm just a big dumb American who's dumb. I listen to the news, I read articles, and I get scared. I forget that God is in control. And not only should I not hang onto dollars and cents so tightly, but the same goes for hanging onto my husband. He doesn't belong to me. Once that sunk in I told Frank I was completely on board until and if it became obvious that God didn't want Frank to go on this trip.
We had a few obstacles to overcome, but every time we thought it was the end of the line, something would happen or someone would step up and help. So here we are. Frank is leaving for Africa in just a matter of days!
What's he doing in Africa? That's been the question on everyone's mind. Frank and his good friend and business partner Joe are going with a team from Forgotten Children Worldwide. While they will be mostly filming where appropriate, they are fully part of the missions team. This is a missions trip. They are there to be stretched and to assist as much as everyone else.
Forgotten Children Worldwide (FCW) is an organization that cares for children all over the globe. They build orphan group homes, send supplies and clothing, and offer opportunities for people to sponsor children. Part of their mission is to stop child sex trafficking by providing food and shelter for children who would normally fall prey to the empty promises made by people who want to sell them into the sex trade. The problem is rampant and horrific. And I mean HORRIFIC.
While in Africa Frank will travel to some orphan homes (where it will not doubt be hard not to want to take every child home with him) and see some of the self-sustainability projects FCW has piloted throughout Uganda. He will also be meeting some of the women and girls who were once victims of sex trafficking. This is most likely where the filming will come in. The stories of these women and girls need to be told and shared. We need to be more aware of what's happening. Not only far away in Uganda, Africa, but also right outside our doors here in America. Frank and Joe have a passion to share these stories with the world and create an awareness that will cause people to spring to action.
Frank and I also have a passion to help these children on a personal level. This is where the "new journey" part comes in. We aren't sure how God is going to use us or call us over the next few years, but we are praying over the possibility of adopting a child or children who would otherwise be sold as a sex slave. We want to do whatever we can to help and to affect as many children as possible. We're not sure what this looks like completely, but we know it's going to take more than just the two of us to stop this problem!
Please pray for Frank while he's traveling and so far away from his girls. We will miss him terribly but at the same time we are so super proud of him for doing this. And I am sooo excited to see how God is going to grow him over the next few weeks. I love this man so much. He's grown so much in the last year. I am proud to be his wife and that he's the father of my child.
Please also pray for Ambrie and me and our family as we're missing Frank. We want him to come home safe. I have no doubt that he will, but if something does happen, God is still God and He is still good.
I will be posting frequent updates about Frank and Joe and the rest of the team on my Facebook page. If you want further updates, the team leader will be posting on Forgotten Children Worldwide's Facebook page as well. If you have a message for Frank while he's gone, he will have his phone and access to wi-fi. The best way to get to him is to message him through Facebook - either on his wall or through Messenger.
If you would like to learn more about FCW and who they are and what they do, click here.
I leave you with the sweetest picture Ambrie has drawn to date. She is well aware that Daddy's going to be gone for a while and that this is a big deal. She drew this the other night when we were figuring out a suitcase for his trip. My sweet girl has such a sensitive soul and is so aware of her surroundings. She is very proud of her Daddy too and I'm sure will be a very big helper to Mommy while he's gone.
This feeling of disorientation led me to begin to look for an area where God was "reproving" me. I couldn't see it. I felt distant from Him, alone even. I expected something as equally obvious (infertility) and as equally long (8 years) and just as physically involved (shots galore, scans, and soooo many people seeing parts of me I didn't want them to see). Never did I stop to think that maybe now God was calling me to look beyond myself - to take my blessings and use them to bless others and to take my plenty and give to those in need. He had already given me an experience that made me more compassionate and caring. He had proven to me that I was able to love a child not of my own flesh. He had proven to me that His promise is true - perseverance pays off. And He had proven to me that taking the leap of faith that He is nudging you towards is really the best thing to do.
This leads me back to that hot summer day last year when Frank and I were having the same discussion about the same thing for nth time. We did not see eye-to-eye on everything, and as any married couple will tell you, that's beyond hard. Compromise. It sometimes feels like a four letter word, doesn't it?
But yet, here we were again, talking about the very compromise we decided to make. I would work full time while Frank worked from home, and when he started to make enough money I would stay home full time. It wasn't working well at all. And I don't mean just that I had a bad attitude (because I sure did!) I mean that logistically, it wasn't working. Ambrie was getting the raw end of the deal and needed more interaction throughout the day. We relied on our parents way too much, and we never wanted either set to feel like babysitters versus grandparents. We tried daycare for 6 months but that was not a good fit both financially or for Ambrie in general.
With this particular conversation, we were both torn to shreds. And I mean ugly crying. And I mean I was literally sitting on the floor and kept saying "I just don't know what to do, I give up". But then... God. He whispered, and while we didn't audibly hear Him, we knew what He was saying.
"Give this to me."
We both felt it at the same time. Frank spoke first. "Maybe we just need to take that step of faith and you need to quit your job." Yep. There's that leap of faith I was just talking about.
That led to an evening of good conversation and prayer and fret, but by the end of the night, we knew. We knew that God was telling us, "Guys, I've gotten you through much worse, give me a little credit. Jump right on in to my waiting hands."
I sat down with my manager, Julie, at NHA that following Monday and we talked for hours. She wanted me to stay, even if it was a few days a week, even if it meant that I would be hourly and get to go home and leave work at work. It was a really good decision for me to stay. Working part time makes me a better mother, better wife, better daughter, better friend, and better employee. It's been a really good four months.
But I'm not done telling you things yet. No, there's more to this story.
The thing that was always holding us back from taking that step to me not working, or working less, was always money. Can I tell you that God is so much bigger than dollars and cents? He has provided for us in many ways, and He has prompted our hearts to stop hanging on to those dollars so tightly. So when the opportunity arose for Frank to go on a missions trip to Uganda, Africa I of course said, "Yahoo, let's sign you up and send you packing!" Wait. No, that's not how I responded at all. I think it was more like "You're going to get Ebola!!" Sometimes I'm just a big dumb American who's dumb. I listen to the news, I read articles, and I get scared. I forget that God is in control. And not only should I not hang onto dollars and cents so tightly, but the same goes for hanging onto my husband. He doesn't belong to me. Once that sunk in I told Frank I was completely on board until and if it became obvious that God didn't want Frank to go on this trip.
We had a few obstacles to overcome, but every time we thought it was the end of the line, something would happen or someone would step up and help. So here we are. Frank is leaving for Africa in just a matter of days!
What's he doing in Africa? That's been the question on everyone's mind. Frank and his good friend and business partner Joe are going with a team from Forgotten Children Worldwide. While they will be mostly filming where appropriate, they are fully part of the missions team. This is a missions trip. They are there to be stretched and to assist as much as everyone else.
Forgotten Children Worldwide (FCW) is an organization that cares for children all over the globe. They build orphan group homes, send supplies and clothing, and offer opportunities for people to sponsor children. Part of their mission is to stop child sex trafficking by providing food and shelter for children who would normally fall prey to the empty promises made by people who want to sell them into the sex trade. The problem is rampant and horrific. And I mean HORRIFIC.
While in Africa Frank will travel to some orphan homes (where it will not doubt be hard not to want to take every child home with him) and see some of the self-sustainability projects FCW has piloted throughout Uganda. He will also be meeting some of the women and girls who were once victims of sex trafficking. This is most likely where the filming will come in. The stories of these women and girls need to be told and shared. We need to be more aware of what's happening. Not only far away in Uganda, Africa, but also right outside our doors here in America. Frank and Joe have a passion to share these stories with the world and create an awareness that will cause people to spring to action.
Frank and I also have a passion to help these children on a personal level. This is where the "new journey" part comes in. We aren't sure how God is going to use us or call us over the next few years, but we are praying over the possibility of adopting a child or children who would otherwise be sold as a sex slave. We want to do whatever we can to help and to affect as many children as possible. We're not sure what this looks like completely, but we know it's going to take more than just the two of us to stop this problem!
Please pray for Frank while he's traveling and so far away from his girls. We will miss him terribly but at the same time we are so super proud of him for doing this. And I am sooo excited to see how God is going to grow him over the next few weeks. I love this man so much. He's grown so much in the last year. I am proud to be his wife and that he's the father of my child.
Please also pray for Ambrie and me and our family as we're missing Frank. We want him to come home safe. I have no doubt that he will, but if something does happen, God is still God and He is still good.
I will be posting frequent updates about Frank and Joe and the rest of the team on my Facebook page. If you want further updates, the team leader will be posting on Forgotten Children Worldwide's Facebook page as well. If you have a message for Frank while he's gone, he will have his phone and access to wi-fi. The best way to get to him is to message him through Facebook - either on his wall or through Messenger.
If you would like to learn more about FCW and who they are and what they do, click here.
I leave you with the sweetest picture Ambrie has drawn to date. She is well aware that Daddy's going to be gone for a while and that this is a big deal. She drew this the other night when we were figuring out a suitcase for his trip. My sweet girl has such a sensitive soul and is so aware of her surroundings. She is very proud of her Daddy too and I'm sure will be a very big helper to Mommy while he's gone.
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| Daddy, his suitcase, and a mountain he's standing on top of in Africa. |
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