But…
Today I am a mother. Today there is a roley poley baby sleeping soundly on her daddy's chest as I type this. That man is my husband. We have a child together. Our baby is now 6 months old and I still feel like this is a dream. I am still afraid that I am going to wake up and she will be gone. I worry every day that I might lose her. I'm not sure if that's because of all we went through before she came to be, or if that's a normal motherly worry. Probably some of both.
When I started this blog I was hoping I would have the time to write in it about once a week or so. I wanted to journal many of our adventures together. I wanted Ambrie to have something to read when she was older about what she was like as a small child. Well, that hasn't happened. Instead I've spent all of my spare moments with her. This has definitely been the better choice for her and for me, especially since I am a very busy full time working mama. But with these few precious moments I have to spare this morning, I'm choosing to write. And because I don't want it to be a waste of time for me or for her, I'm choosing to write directly to her to let her know exactly how I feel about her on this Mother's Day. Because even though today is titled Mother's Day, and even though it's a day that Mommies every where are supposed to have off, we mothers know the truth. Today is the day where we sit and look at our kiddos and wonder what in the world we did to deserve them. We sit in awe as we watch these tiny babies, small humans, and mini adults live and breathe - and live and breathe well - because they are our responsibility (shared with Daddy, of course). So, my sweet baby girl… this is for you.
Dear Ambrie,
Just over 6 months ago you finally came into this world after what I can only describe to you as a very long wait. From the moment I found out you were growing in my tummy, my love began to grow for you. It grew as you grew in my tummy, and it continues to grow every second of every day. I never understood that until I had you. I never understood how I could love someone so much and feel so fiercely protective over a person's wellbeing. I love Daddy the same way, but it's a little different. I love him because I choose to, but with you I have absolutely no choice. This floors me. Being your mother has helped me to understand God's love for us as His children in a much deeper way.
My sweet baby. You are so precious and so beautiful. I love that we have so much fun together. I love watching you play with others. I love that you are so good with other people, and I love that when you've had enough, all you want is your mommy. Daddy and I often say to each other that we are double blessed in having you. Not only are we blessed in that we finally have a child, but we are blessed in that you are so sweet, calm and content. You are everything that we could have ever hoped for.
My prayer for you is that you will continue to grow strong and healthy, and your personality will continue to develop in the way it already has. I pray every day that you will come to know the Lord and have a personal relationship with Him. I pray that Daddy and I are able to show you Christ's love in the way that we treat you and each other. I promise you as I have already promised God and Daddy, that we will always be together. You never have to worry about living in a broken home. I also promise you that I will be the best mommy to you that I can be. I learned a lot from my mommy, your grandma, on how I should encourage you, love you, be firm with you, yet let you make your own choices when you are ready. She and Omie (Daddy's mommy) both love you so much and will also be there with me to show you how a Godly woman should live.
My beautiful girl, today I celebrate with you. I celebrate not what I am to you, but what you are to me. My child. Not my possession, but my responsibility. The apple of my eye, my love, and my sunshine. I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my Ambrie you'll be.
Love Always,
Mommy
