These 11 Weeks

My sweet baby is 11 weeks old today. As she sleeps peacefully in the next room I am sitting on my couch with the baby monitor close by. Sweet little baby grunts and sighs reach my ears and I know that my life is forever different from what it was just a few months ago. I am 100% head-over-heels in love with a two foot and toothless wonder who melts my heart a little more each day. I am a mommy.

I go back to work one week from today. Maternity leave flew by yet when I think back to November 10 it seems a lifetime ago. As today marks the day that there are no weeks left, only days, before I have to leave my baby in the care of someone other than me, I've been reflecting on what we've been through together these past 11 weeks.

Labor was long, but not as hard as I expected. I ended up with a C-section because my body was simply not progressing. My water had broken on it's own, but 22 hours later I was still barely dilated. It was a little sad and not what we expected, but after laboring for that long I was very ready to meet my baby and so was my husband.

I remember little snippets of the whole labor and delivery experience that will stay with me forever. My water broke at almost exactly 4am on the 9th. I had just rolled from my right to my left side and I had just started to pray. "Lord, please let me go into labor, please let me go into labor!" It was almost as if I dreamed my water breaking because at that instant I felt a big gush. I simply leaned over to my husband and said "my water just broke". He had a feeling when we went to bed the night before that I would be going into labor sometime during the night, so he reacted very calmly. I made phone calls, he made phone calls.

We were at the hospital an hour later getting checked in through triage. My mom came some hours later with a coffee in her hand. My sister was trying to leave work to get to me. We watched some silly daytime TV. I had a nurse tell me she thought I was going to get postpartum depression because of what we've been through to get pregnant. That freaked me out (she was wrong). My sister came. She did lots of things to make me laugh. She did my hair in between contractions to help relax me. I remember being really hungry and trying to be okay with eating jello and broth. I broke down in tears when my husband wouldn't give me a cracker. I remember thinking labor wasn't so bad, and I remember thinking labor was really bad. I tried a whole bunch of things to get my body to do what it was supposed to do, but to no avail. I got an epidural after 15 hours of labor and finally wasn't so hungry. They gave me an ultrasound and determined baby's position wasn't the best. Finally at 1:30am on the 10th I was checked one final time. I had dilated to 4... in 22.5 hours I dilated to 4. I was sad and I felt like a failure. We needed to make a decision since we were closing in on the 24 hour mark meaning the baby was at greater risk for infection. We opted for the C-section because we were told even if I fully dilated it would be unlikely I could push baby out because of her position. We didn't want to run the risk of having an emergency C-section. I will never, ever regret that decision. At 2:24am on the 10th, our little miracle was pulled from my belly and into the world.

I couldn't stop crying. I simply could not stop crying. My arms ached to hold her, my heart burst with emotion, and all I could do is lay there and watch. That was probably the hardest part of her delivery. After she was cleaned off, my husband brought her over to me and baby and I stared at each other. She never cried once the whole time we were in the operating room.

The next few days at the hospital were a blur. I remember having a really itchy nose because of the pain meds I was given during my C-section. I remember finally holding my baby and getting a really good look at her. I remember watching it snow off and on the whole first day of our baby's life. I remember phone calls and visits, finally passing gas, and FINALLY getting to eat that night. It was a great day.

Coming home was overwhelming. The first few weeks were wonderful, exhausting, emotional, difficult, and I was glad to get through them alive. We had a jaundice scare, a kidney scare, baby had her days and nights mixed up, plus the added difficulty of mommy and baby figuring out the whole nursing thing. But we did it! All three of us. We came through it all just fine and by 6 weeks baby was nursing beautifully, she was sleeping 7 hours through the night most nights, and she was (and is) perfectly healthy.

Here we are now 5 weeks later, and life with baby just gets better and better. Seeing my baby's smile each morning, knowing that she knows I'm her mommy and my husband is her daddy, it's one of the best feelings in the world.

There are things I've come to realize in the past 11 weeks that I believe to be bits of wisdom I wouldn't have had if I were to have become a parent 8 years ago like I wanted to. Almost as if there is Someone that knows better than me and knew the exact time I would actually be ready to be a mother.

First thing is that advice is just that; advice. Whether it's unsolicited or not, take or leave it, listen or don't, but be polite and smile and nod. What works for one family doesn't always work for another, but others share out of love. Don't put too much stock in one person's opinion, even if it is your child's doctor!

Secondly, a child is not a possession, but a responsibility. There is a fine line between the two. I'm sure I will grow more to understand this as my baby gets older, but it's a piece of wisdom I believe will help me to be a good mother to her.

Thirdly, life really will never be the same. Really, it really won't. I envisioned life with baby many times in the 8 years we tried for baby and in the 9 months I was pregnant with her. Heck we even had a baby in our home for 5 days. I thought I knew what it would be like. Never could I imagine the immenseness of my feelings for her and how her wellbeing would always be at the forefront of my mind. I somehow feel braver yet more afraid at the same time. How is that possible?

And lastly, my baby is a miracle. Yes, all babies are miracles, and yes I'm sure most mommies feel the same way I do, but seriously... my baby is the best baby in the world. I never really understood how a parent could honestly feel that way about her child, but now I totally get it. The fact that I had to wait 8 years for her is not lost on me and never will be. Does that make it more special than any other baby? Only to me and those that love her most. I have always loved babies and kids, but my baby has stolen my heart. I would do anything for her.

These past 11 weeks have been the most challenging yet most rewarding weeks of my life. Being a mother is like nothing else. There were many times in recent years where I felt like giving up, where I felt like I would never hold my baby in my arms. But yet here she is, and here I am, and it's as though we were made for each other. I am so, so, so glad we never gave up.

The Hatched Egg

One in eight American couples will experience infertility, and 1.1 million women underwent some type of fertility treatment in 2010. This means that the average American probably knows at least one couple struggling with infertility. You may not be aware of their struggle, but it's a sad fact of today's society none-the-less. 

Frank, my husband, and I are one of those couples. Only while many couples are silent about their struggle (read this article published on MSNBC for more information), we have not been. However, this blog is not about infertility. It's not about empty arms, doctor's visits, ultrasounds, injectables, ovulation, sperm counts, or anything else that has to do with infertility treatments. While I may make brief mention of things we went through in the past, you're going to have to head on over to my other blog to read the whole story of what we went through to become parents.  This blog, the one you are reading right now, is about our little "hatched egg". It's about my life as a mother and our life as a family after infertility. It's about my dream come true.

Our precious baby girl, "hatched" on November 10, 2011. She is just over 8 weeks old and I can not imagine life without her. The title of my blog is a throw back to my good friend IVF, a medical procedure my husband and I endured to become pregnant. I use the term "good friend" very loosely. While I am thankful for the doctors and technology that made becoming pregnant possible for us, anyone that's endured IVF knows that it's not at all friendly. Any couple going through this process has my utmost respect and my most ernest prayers for it is an extremely difficult procedure.

I am excited to be writing again and I hope to be able to stick to blogging on a regular basis. Life as Mommy is certainly wonderful and I am looking forward to sharing about it!