Mushrooms

Frank and I love pizza. And when I say love, I mean we could eat it every day. I seriously have even prayed that pizza will be present in Heaven. It's just that good.

Lately we've been making our own pizza at home. It's healthier, cheaper, and sometimes just down right fun... most of the time. There's been one frustrating topping we just haven't been able to figure out: the mushroom.

Fresh mushrooms on pizza... yes please!

We love mushrooms too. Not as much as we love pizza, but enough so that we've taken the time to figure out the right kind of mushroom to get the right kind of taste on our handmade pizza pie. Here's our problem: canned mushrooms -  gross. Do you feel me on that one? Fresh mushrooms - Yum-O! But they take FOREVER to cut up thin enough to be worth putting on the pizza. If we don't put in the required sweat equity, they end up too chunky and they fall off your slice. Not to mention we never seem to go through a package of them fast enough before they spoil. What a dilemma. I mean seriously - how do we sleep at night?
Little did I know that my quest for mushroom perfection was also going to end up illustrating to me something that is so easily forgettable...

One night, not so long ago, as evening was nearing my dad asked what we were going to have for dinner. I told him about our plans for homemade pizza and shared the mushroom dilemma. When I got done talking about fresh or canned, whole or sliced, organic or "regular", my dad giggled and asked me "isn't it great we even get to decide what type of mushrooms fit well on our pizza?" Life lesson moment! What my dad meant was, some people have no choice what they eat. Some people have never tasted pizza. Some people survive on rice and beans. And some people might even eat a rotten mushroom because it's all they have.

Well that mushroom conversation really hit me. I went about my evening replaying the thought of how much I...have. Yes, it's true, we are currently basement dwellers at my parents' house. And yes, I'm sure some people would look at our paychecks and wonder how we manage. But you know what? We have more than enough. God has provided for our every need and even many of our desires. We are blessed. I must remind myself of this every time I am tempted to complain or let my mind wander to things I want.

A few days after this mushroom conversation my husband ran across an article about a family of 4 that lives on only a fraction of our income (the mom's blog, Blissful and Domestic is linked on my blog list on the right). This got me thinking even more. Am I being a good steward of all the blessings God has given me? Is there more I could do? The answer I received was a resounding yes. So here's my challenge to myself: simplify, plan, and save. Not only will this create a happier home environment, but it's just one more thing I can do to further build my relationship with God.

So thank you, mushroom. Not only are you tasty and versatile, but you just taught this momma one important lesson.

Ambrie-isms

This girl is cute...

I may be a little biased, but I happen to think that she's the cutest, sweetest, goofiest, most adorable thing to walk this planet. Ever. And here are some of the things that make Ambrie, Ambrie:

• She LOVES clothes and shoes. She will play with them for an hour at a time, putting on and taking off mommy's or grandma's shoes and trying to walk around in them. I think I have a little fashionista on my hands! She also loves to shop...
• She's a good eater. She'll eat just about anything but her favorites include tomatoes, peas, green olives, cheese, bread, avocado, and this combo thing mommmy makes homemade for her that includes apples, pears, peas, and spinach all blended together in one powerful baby protein shake. She feeds it to herself with these reusable food pouches I purchased that have a spout on them for her to "drink" out of. 
• She talks... a lot! I don't even know how many words she knows at this point because it's so many. She knows the word light in German (it sounds like Lisht, but I'm sure that's not how you spell it) and sometimes I'm not sure if she's saying "fish", "shoes", or "lisht". Usually my clue is when she's talking about a light she bends her head back as far as she can and closes her eyes... because those lights are bright!! She also calls her butt her bup. I love it.
• She looooovvveess animals, especially turtles, frogs, and dogs. What a combo! Turtle was one of her first words. 
• She loves to be read to and she loves to look at books on her own. Often the only way we can keep her content in the car is to give her a book.
• She already has a family of babies, and she cares and loves for each one equally. Her favorite thing is to sneak a wet wipe from her diaper bag and wipe her baby's faces... just like mommy does to her! She also loves to share her water or milk with them. That's not always so fun for mom.
• She is IN love with Winnie the Pooh. Often times Pooh has drool all over him because she loves to kiss him and sleep on him. He's already looking pretty well loved.

These are just a few things that make my baby so precious to me. It amazes me how every child is different and unique. I am so blessed to be her mother and I look forward to watching her grow more each day!

What's Enough?

Hello blogosphere. It's 2am and I can't sleep... again. It was a bit of a rough day and sometimes I just need to write. I love to write. Love it. I wish I had more time to do it. I know I'm not one to use periods and commas in all the right places, nor do I understand every rule about grammar (and I actually just spelled that word grammer until little red lines showed up underneath it to let me know it was spelled wrong) but really, who cares? Not me. And it's my blog. So I'll just keep writing in the best way I know how to express myself. And here's what's on my mind tonight...

You will probably never catch me complaining about motherhood... like ever. I waited *what seemed like* forever for my sweet girl to make her appearance. After all my husband and I went through to become parents I don't feel I have the right to complain about any of it. So I'm not about to complain, but I am about to "truth it" for a bit. And here it is: working full time and being a mommy is hard. Is it harder than being a stay-at-home mom? I'm sure not. Let me assure you I have no interest in starting any type of debate. I'm only speaking from my own experience.

Tonight I'm praying for a little encouragement to come my way. That, and some type of machine that will allow me to clone myself so I can be two places at once. Never in my life have I wanted to be in two places at once so much. About 4 months ago I received a promotion at work. I love my job. In fact, every morning when I walk through those doors I feel excited and eager to get to work. I can't wait to check my email and open InDesign, and it makes me want to jump up and down for joy that what I do for a living is investing in the lives of children, and of my child. But let's be honest - what could ever compare to being home with my girl? Outside of taking a trip to Heaven I can't think of any better place to be than with her and my husband. Some days I miss her so much I lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Some days I miss her so much that I drive home on lunch to see her for 15 minutes. And some days I miss her so much that I don't allow myself to do even that. 

As much as I struggle with that battle on a daily basis, it's not that self-assumed war that has me up tonight. The thing I've been struggling with today is this: how do I have time for anyone else? How do I have time to serve God in the way I should? In the past week I've been asked to play violin twice and I said no to both opportunities. Frustration. Guilt. Now, granted, the second opportunity I had to say no to because we are moving on that day (oh, so excited about that!)... but I think I would have said no anyway. This bothers me. It really does. But it doesn't bother me enough to change any answer I've given. That bothers me even more. 

My question tonight, or this morning, is this: am I already serving God and others? Does it count that I get up at 6am and rock and cuddle my baby and tell her about her day ahead of her, then rush through my normal morning routine to make it to work by 8...ish? Does it matter that I drive to work and spend roughly 9 hours a day serving the Marketing needs of our schools? Is it important that I rush home to make dinner for my family, bathe my baby, play with her for an hour and then snuggle her, read to her, then put her to bed? I'm exhausted at the end of it. And it's never enough time, never enough minutes to spend watching those tiny hands furiously playing and seeing those bright, beautiful eyes light up when she learns something new (which is like every 3 seconds). The obvious answer is that, of course, all of that is super important. But what I'm struggling with tonight is still, is it enough?

I'm truly, honestly, asking this question. There are no written rules for this kind of thing. Before Ambrie I tried to spend as much time with my friends and tried to do all I could to serve at church. There's no way I could keep up with that same schedule and have, what I feel, is enough time with my child. Why? Because I work. I'm away from my home about 10 hours out of a day, and then weekends are spent doing all the things that I can't get to during the week (grocery shopping, cleaning, etc.) How is it that I can be this busy and still feel so... I don't even know how to describe it. Lazy? No. I guess maybe I just feel like I'm not doing my part. 

But aren't I doing my part? When I say no, do people understand? Do they understand that I'm saying no so that I can first fulfill my obligation as a mother? Should I care if they understand? My answers for now are this: yes, yes I am doing quite a lot to serve God and others. My job, by definition, is serving others. Yes, I get paid to do my job, but that money cares for my family and allows my husband to continue to work for himself. (Side note: I am very, very proud of my husband. Yes, both grandmas help us out immensely, but Frank watches and cares for Ambrie 2-3 full days a week while still working full time hours. We are blessed he can work from home and we are SO blessed to not have to pay for day care. He also helps out around the house more than I even know. He's a true gem **love him**.) I don't know if people understand. I wish I did. Which leads me to say that whether or not I should care if they understand, I do. I just do. But again, I don't care enough that it would change my answer. Is this right?

I do try, really hard, to fit in other things when I can. When I have vacation from work, I offer to play at church. I opt to spend time with friends after Ambrie is in bed, or we make sure whatever we're doing is also Ambrie friendly. Frank and I often take our date time over Ambrie's nap time on Saturday or Sunday afternoons so we can minimize the awake hours I'm away from her. Do I sound like an obsessed mother? Sometimes I feel like it. But I also take my role as mommy uber seriously and I feel that since I'm away from her so much already that I need to spend as much time with her as possible. But I also feel that God calls me to be there for others, and I want to put God first, before even my husband and daughter. So my question still remains... am I doing enough? 

Friends, pray for me. This momma is tired and burdened and wants to add hours to what seems like very short days. I know you may not have an answer, and I know you may be struggling with the same thing yourself. If that's the case then I pray for you too. 

Here's my one final thought for this entry: sometimes, when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place. So. True.